2008 Woodie Awards
Enough with the ceremonies
Amber Chemam
Issue date: 5/15/07 Section: Opinion
I have never been a fan of ceremonial events. Save the typical female fascination with weddings and the whole marriage hoopla, I prefer to politely avoid any occasion of which people feel they must make a scene, complete with balloons, streamers and sappy greeting cards. I'd rather not RSVP to anything that is going to require me to dress up or buy people gifts with money I don't really have or would selfishly prefer to be spending on myself.
But I'm not discriminatory. I don't just dislike ceremonial events when they are benefiting others but I equally despise them when they are arranged for my benefit, as well.
Unfortunately, the year is full of holidays, birthdays and countless other miniscule occasions that require strength and energy I can barely muster. Perhaps the worst thing about these occasions is that they always hit you with an implied obligation. As though every time someone decides to have a baby or earn a degree, you have to pretend to be happy about it when, really, they should already be happy enough for everyone.
And at this time of year, comes another of those unavoidable time-and-money-traps-graduation. A little known secret: I arranged to graduate from high school a semester early, in large part because I knew I would be able to trade in the infamous May ceremony in favor of a non-existent December one. I've never regretted it.
My mom still insisted on sending out photo announcements come spring, and by the time all of my old classmates were walking across the stage, the checks from distant cousins and family friends that I hadn't seen since birth were rolling in. Sadly enough, the cash, checks and gift cards were all I really cared about. I was more than happy not to be forced to sit in a hot auditorium surrounded by 500 people that, by odds alone, I probably didn't like just to have my name called out in front of a crowd that were all related to the people I didn't like.
I also conveniently managed to avoid both proms, every homecoming and all but one sporting event. That's just me. College hasn't been much different. I've avoided every formal, most social functions (save the ones that offer free alcohol) and all but one ceremony. I still like about the same disproportionate amount of people, and I still have little to no interest in graduation. And so I've dodged it once again.
But I'm not discriminatory. I don't just dislike ceremonial events when they are benefiting others but I equally despise them when they are arranged for my benefit, as well.
Unfortunately, the year is full of holidays, birthdays and countless other miniscule occasions that require strength and energy I can barely muster. Perhaps the worst thing about these occasions is that they always hit you with an implied obligation. As though every time someone decides to have a baby or earn a degree, you have to pretend to be happy about it when, really, they should already be happy enough for everyone.
And at this time of year, comes another of those unavoidable time-and-money-traps-graduation. A little known secret: I arranged to graduate from high school a semester early, in large part because I knew I would be able to trade in the infamous May ceremony in favor of a non-existent December one. I've never regretted it.
My mom still insisted on sending out photo announcements come spring, and by the time all of my old classmates were walking across the stage, the checks from distant cousins and family friends that I hadn't seen since birth were rolling in. Sadly enough, the cash, checks and gift cards were all I really cared about. I was more than happy not to be forced to sit in a hot auditorium surrounded by 500 people that, by odds alone, I probably didn't like just to have my name called out in front of a crowd that were all related to the people I didn't like.
I also conveniently managed to avoid both proms, every homecoming and all but one sporting event. That's just me. College hasn't been much different. I've avoided every formal, most social functions (save the ones that offer free alcohol) and all but one ceremony. I still like about the same disproportionate amount of people, and I still have little to no interest in graduation. And so I've dodged it once again.