2008 Woodie Awards
I have them at 'hello'
Michael Golden
Issue date: 1/29/08 Section: Opinion
I'm 21 years old, and I've been talking for about 17-18 of those years (it took me a while to get going). Spanish and German occasionally, but for the most part, English. I'm also a joint English and communication major, yet despite having the odds in my favor, I still haven't figured out a decent way to say "hello" to people.
It's not so bad when I'm greeting a friend; the problems generally occur when I see a "friendly acquaintance." Friendly acquaintances are the people you've met before, are perfectly friendly with, but when you meet them in a hallway, you generally don't stop to have a conversation.
Early on in my college career, I fell into the bad habit of greeting people, generally guys, with "yo"-often accompanied by a head nod. I'm a 5 foot 8 inch white, bespectacled kid from Texas-"yo" is on the top 10 list of words that should never cross my lips. The head nod only makes it worse; it's the least amount of effort someone can put into acknowledging your existence. It's like saying, "Yes, I see you, but no, you're not worth talking to."
After my friends told me how stupid I sounded and looked, I purged the yo-nod from my communication system. It was around this time that I discovered the question as a perfectly acceptable way to say "hello." And I don't mean as the beginning of a conversation-I mean as the sole component of my part of the conversation. At first, I was confused. If I greet someone by asking "How are you?" and that person responds "Hey," they're not actually answering my question. "Hey" isn't a state of being. It's barely a word. It took me some time, but I've become accustomed to not receiving a response.
Of course, introducing questions into my greeting lexicon created new verbal farts, my favorites being "How's it doing?" and "How are you going?" to which the most appropriate response would be, "Stop talking, you silly little man."
Not being able to properly say hello to people isn't the only communication crime I've been guilty of. I think most people, at one point or another, have incorrectly used the phrase "you, too." I used to be especially bad at this, telling most of my waiters and waitresses that they should enjoy their dinner, as well. You know, whenever they get around to it. I managed to overcome this particular communication flaw by just grunting at the servers when they bring my food.
It's not so bad when I'm greeting a friend; the problems generally occur when I see a "friendly acquaintance." Friendly acquaintances are the people you've met before, are perfectly friendly with, but when you meet them in a hallway, you generally don't stop to have a conversation.
Early on in my college career, I fell into the bad habit of greeting people, generally guys, with "yo"-often accompanied by a head nod. I'm a 5 foot 8 inch white, bespectacled kid from Texas-"yo" is on the top 10 list of words that should never cross my lips. The head nod only makes it worse; it's the least amount of effort someone can put into acknowledging your existence. It's like saying, "Yes, I see you, but no, you're not worth talking to."
After my friends told me how stupid I sounded and looked, I purged the yo-nod from my communication system. It was around this time that I discovered the question as a perfectly acceptable way to say "hello." And I don't mean as the beginning of a conversation-I mean as the sole component of my part of the conversation. At first, I was confused. If I greet someone by asking "How are you?" and that person responds "Hey," they're not actually answering my question. "Hey" isn't a state of being. It's barely a word. It took me some time, but I've become accustomed to not receiving a response.
Of course, introducing questions into my greeting lexicon created new verbal farts, my favorites being "How's it doing?" and "How are you going?" to which the most appropriate response would be, "Stop talking, you silly little man."
Not being able to properly say hello to people isn't the only communication crime I've been guilty of. I think most people, at one point or another, have incorrectly used the phrase "you, too." I used to be especially bad at this, telling most of my waiters and waitresses that they should enjoy their dinner, as well. You know, whenever they get around to it. I managed to overcome this particular communication flaw by just grunting at the servers when they bring my food.